The Ultimatum is that you already lost

I know our relationship is rocky, but what if we went on T.V.?

I’m the last person that should be talking about Netflix Reality T.V. shows and their impact. I personally didn’t like watching the Too Hot to Handle type-shows and other types of reality shows that involves casting annoying hot people and having them kiss and grind on each other in front of hidden cameras.

But over the past few years I have had a guilty pleasure of one of these shows in particular that I can’t seem to get rid of.

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The Ultimatum

You may be familiar with the show Love is Blind. A reality dating show, with hosts Nick and Vanessa Lachey, where the core question to the '“social experiment” is simply, “Is love truly blind”? Where contestants go into pods and talk to the other gender and is only able to hear their voice and talk to them with any of physical traits getting in the way of how they fall in love.

A fun premise, and one that I really liked when the show premiered it’s first season several years ago. I watched the first three seasons with excitement and some curiosity, because I mean….is love truly blind? And for some couples on the show, it works and they are able to find someone that they were able to truly connect with. And with others, they have a match that eventually crashes and burns all in a few weeks.

But the show Love is Blind, although is very messy, it’s not my kind of messy and honestly gets kind of repetitive for me. And some people, I feel, don’t have the best intentions when coming into this show.

Now not too long after Love is Blind took off, hosts Nick and Vanessa Lachey, started another show called The Ultimatum: Marry or Move On. The Premise in this show is that six couples come onto the experiment, with one person of each couple issuing an Ultimatum: Marry me by the end of the show or we are breaking up. Simple, right? Well the added layer to this is the fact that each person has to break up with their original partners and get together with another person from a different couple and live together with them in a trial marriage. This way, they can figure out what they want or need in a marriage while being with someone different. Then after a couple of weeks, they will get back together with their original partners…and figure it out.

Now that’s a long explanation for MESSY.

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You Lost Already

The thing about Ultimatums within a relationship (platonic or otherwise) is that there is no leeway to go back to the original feel of the relationship. Its basically saying: “Either you change/compromise or I’m done”. Its very straightforward and there is no room to change the ultimatum given.

And for these couples to go onto a Netflix experimental dating show to test their love and issue their ultimatum….your relationship is already cooked.

And that’s what makes this show messy.

With Love is Blind, there is not really too much to lose from this show besides wasted time and a broken heart. But with the Ultimatum, you are actually blowing up your entire relationship and your own mental health because you wanted to test your connection between your partner and someone else. You have to deal with jealousy and trust issues when your partner is with someone else.

Of course, if your relationship isn’t meant to be, then it isn’t meant to be, but if it’s not strong enough to go through this show and you have to settle this through an ultimatum, then…why are you still with them? Why go the extra mile to do all of this on T.V.?

The funny thing about all of this is that the partners that issue the ultimatum and drag their other partner onto the show, always get really shocked with their partner finds a connection and actually likes the person that they picked during the show. Like, did you not want this to happen? Did you not watch the show? Did you not see that people could potentially connect to other people on that show?

It makes it hard for me to feel bad about some of the couples because it’s almost like they did it to themselves.

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The Gamble

What’s so attractive about putting your relationship through something like this? I almost can never wrap my brain around something like this. Why would I put my relationship (that is already on the rocks) through an experiment where my partner is connecting with someone else?

If our relationship is stronger through something like this, then great! But it’s just a great gamble to have that happen and I feel like people really don’t take that into consideration.

It makes me wonder if the spectacle of it is worth it. Whether or not you think these shows or entirely real or scripted, etc. these people’s entire inner workings of a relationship is being dissected for the nation to see. And not only is it being dissected, but you yourself are dissecting your own relationship and watching it crash and burn on camera.

I don’t entirely think that things like The Ultimatum can fix things like this either. Regardless of whether or not you just want to indulge in the experiment/experience, the fact that you even thought about doing this, means that you have lost. When you are in a rocky relationship or maybe you find yourself drifting apart, you go to Couples Therapy or maybe you have to take a break from each other (although if you are also taking a break then it’s also not looking good either), you don’t go on T.V.

*Quick Spoilers for Season 3 of The Ultimatum (not that it matters too much)*

Which makes the surprising thing about this season, not THAT surprising. When two couples leave the show after three days of starting the experience, it’s honestly the smartest thing that they can do for each other and their relationship. The beginning of the experience either made them realize how much they love each other or it made them realize that they needed to work things out in a different way. Either way it goes, it honestly makes more sense to leave than to stay. Although, it does make it harder to have exciting T.V.

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I’ve always wondered about the mindset in joining dating reality T.V. shows, but even more with this one. Even with regular reality T.V. shows you are going into it alone, trying to find your partner or someone that you love. But going into the show with your significant other is a different type of psychological torture and even certain partners within the show say that they regret that their partner had convinced them to come on.

It’s quite literally watching the depths of a relationship burn in real time and rarely do the people ever make it out of the relationship without any consequences.

It makes me wonder the lengths and mindset that people go to either fix things in a relationship or if the relationship is worth sacrificing for time on T.V.